I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
