A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
