You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
