His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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