My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
