capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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