I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
