Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Text me some of your sweat
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