winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
