he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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