I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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