toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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