You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
