textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
