i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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