I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
