We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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