there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
