she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
