; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
