My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
