some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
