Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
