somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
