whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
