I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
