would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
