We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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