She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
