I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
