Kiss
Puke
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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