Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
