Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
