The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
