i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
