Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
