Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
