She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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