You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
