This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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