I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
