you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
