Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
