It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
