hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
