i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
