is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
