I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
