i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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