i used baking grease as lip gloss
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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