Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
