Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
